The feeling of being back Home!

I'm home now!  After over a day of travel, I'm finally home!  The anticipation of being home (as I was in Panama for 10 extra days) that was building up inside me has finally been able to be released.  However, it's not like I had expected it to be.  Actually, I didn't know what to expect.  It's weird and I'm not exactly sure how to react.

I feel that I'm in a numb stage right now.

I shed a tear randomly, but never more than that. 

I'm so happy to be home and so excited about the future.  But there seems to be a little piece of me missing. 

I recall the laughs and jokes I shared with my friends I made there.  I imagine hugging/greeting them in the Panamanian way.  I see their faces as they are so involved in the English club sessions. Their enthusiasm written all over their faces as they take part in the plan exercises. In my head I hear their voices reciting the English words given, I hear the choir singing songs of praise to God. I see the faces of those who came to Christ, I recall how they smiled as if a weight was lifted off their shoulders. I think about how they are now.  Will they remember me always?  Will they miss me?  When will I see them again?  Or will I? 

I no longer have four other girls sharing a room with me or living in a house with 24 people (called Casa de Hostal, i think).  I can be alone. I'm home alone.  But it's strange and almost eerily uncomfortable.  I haven't had time by myself for the one and half months.  What do I do?!  Part of me is missing.  My team.  My team that has help build me up.  My roommates.  The my team that has been through everything with me for the last 1.5 months.  My team that has shared tears, laughs, pain, sickness, prayer and more.  My team that has become my family!

This transitioning into the next chapter of my life may be a little harder than I thought.  But I won't allow fear to set in.  I won't allow the devil to hinder me from ministering to my family, friends, and strangers here in Canada.  I won't let up on serving the Lord.  I won't forget all that has happened the last 1.5 months and I will apply all that I've learned.  This chapter might have just ended but a new one is beginning to unfold. 

I cannot do it alone.  I no longer have my teammates, but my Master hasn't left.  My Leader.  My Lover.  My Savior. My Healer.  My Redeemer.  My Everything.  My Jesus Christ is with me to lead me every step of the way.  He will hold my hand.  He will count my tears.  He knows my sorrow.  He knows the plans for my life.  He will direct me.  And I trust Him.  I trust Him completely.  He is all I want.  Jesus Christ is the only one that will lead me and guide me through every step of my life. 

2 Samuel 22

I went into this project with a question: "Do I see myself doing missionary work in the future?." I cannot give a definite answer but I can surely say that now, I feel called to go to  Central America on mission trips (if it's God's will).